Our bodies are remarkably good at telling us we need rest. They become tired. They become tight and tense and sore. Our throat may become scratchy, our mouth may develop ulcers and when we look in the mirror we may see a big cold sore staring back at us, whispering “you know you only get these when you are run down.”
Our brains are also remarkably good at signalling our need for downtime. We may become irritable, snappy and start to have big reactions to minor annoyances. Our mood may flatten, and our capacity for caring may diminish. Our sharpness may suddenly elude us and trying to do something as simple as find the right word can feel like orienteering through a dense fog.
When we notice these signals, the sensible thing to do is to stop, rest and recover.
But who wants to be sensible?
There are many reasons we push on, ignoring all those things that our brain and bodies are screaming at us. We may be doing work that is important. We may have people who rely on us. We may have a mountain of bills to pay. We may see others working just as hard. We may have somehow found a way to get it done on all those previous occasions.
As we relentlessly push on, there comes a point where our brain and body push back. While we are planning our calendar, they hold a meeting in which they decide to go out on strike. Tired of being ignored, they enforce a shut down. This can come in the form of any number of physical or psychological conditions. Often it will be a complex intermingling of a bunch of illnesses which are hard to completely diagnose or treat, no matter how many blood tests you take, pills you are prescribed or specialists you see.
At this point, much will feel uncertain, but one thing will become remarkably clear.
You need rest.
Your brain and body will no longer be ignored. They will have voted no to relentless doing. This time, there will not be rapid resolution and a return to punishing old ways. Real change will be required.
Many of us will have reached this point. Many others will have skated frighteningly close to it. If we wish to recover and stay healthy, there are some important lessons to learn.
Give up on guilt
No one would expect a car to keep going when it has nothing in the battery. Yet somehow, we will feel incredibly guilty for ever daring to try and recharge ourselves. There are times when we will need to stop. We will need a hammock, a holiday or a good long soak in the bath, safely locked away from all the demands of the world.
We must not guilt ourselves out of what is essential. Rest is not laziness. It is the basic foundation on which health and recovery are built.
Stop the comparisons
We live in an age of relentless overdoing, where busyness is worn as a badge of honour and societal norms are far from healthy. There is no value in comparing ourselves to our colleagues, our Facebook friends or the endless succession of wellness influencers. Many people who are seemingly holding it all together, are teetering very close to having it all fall apart.
We should also not compare our current self to our younger self. Sure, that person may have managed to work, study, party and do marathons for fun. But they were younger, had shiny mitochondria and hadn’t yet paid all the tolls.
Perfect is no longer the goal
Some of us feel compelled not just to do it all, but to do it all perfectly. While perfectionism can sometimes win praise, it can also often lead us to overdoing and exhaustion.
To aid recovery, the goal needs to change. Perfect can be replaced by perfectly adequate. Instead of worrying about what is expected, we can determine what is actually necessary. There may be many other things we can simply let go of and leave undone.
It’s quite possible to be safe without being perfect. The world won’t fall apart if your shirt isn’t perfectly ironed, your bed isn’t perfectly made, or your hedge isn’t perfectly straight.
Learn to receive
Many of us take enormous pride in our self-reliance. Our identity may be tightly entwined with our ability to take care of ourselves and others. The idea of asking for or accepting supporting can feel uncomfortable, and foreign.
Being able to receive is a vital human skill. None of us is supposed to do it all by ourselves. There will be times when each of us will need someone to hear our story or help us out of bed. Receiving support requires us to let our guard down, take of that heavy armour and be vulnerable.
When we allow ourselves to be helped, the load can be lightened and the path forward far easier to find.
Don’t expect it to go back to how it was
The purpose of recovery is not simply to return to all those things that were making us sick. During a convalescence we may think about what is sustainable, what serves us and what absolutely has to change. We may pause to consider what is truly important and begin to plan the life we actually want.
More can be learnt from falling down than from tirelessly pushing on. Few gifts are more valuable than discovering how to listen to our bodies, receive support and bring kindness to ourselves. When you actively decide what you want, chances are your life will become more purposeful, balanced and sustainable.
But before you walk that path, please, take some time in a hammock.