Humans crave certainty. Rarely is it what we end up with. Instead, we must face rapid ongoing change and a feeling like the rug is continually being pulled from under us.
These five grounding realisations can help us to contend with a world that stubbornly refuses to stand still.
1. We can’t control it all
Even when we prepare like scouts, things we don’t want to happen will still happen.
Much of what we contend with is completely outside our control. We may experience profound change based on what’s decided in boardrooms, budget offices and the brains of foreign leaders. Mother nature may throw hailstones, doctor’s may provide scary diagnoses and idiots who text while riding e-bikes down the footpath may just collide with us.
We can’t magically make these things go away by devoting extra worry to them. When we learn to let go of those things which are outside our sphere of influence, we can however dramatically reduce the burden of worry upon ourselves. With less to worry about, we can concentrate more fully on that which we have agency over.
For a little support in navigating difficult situations, this guided exercise can help us in making a mindful choice.
2. Change isn’t always all bad
Change may not be quite the demon we make it out to be. While it often brings discomfort, it frequently also delivers learning and growth.
At times change gives us a helpful push, forcing us to consider what we truly want. It may free us when we are stuck and help us to get moving in the direction that we are meant to go.
Even when the worst does happen, change may help us to find our strength, know our resilience and discover what matters most. The hardest experiences can often be our greatest teachers.
If we are caught up in worry about change, there are ways to let go. To help step back from stressful or unhelpful thoughts try this guided exercise.
3. We are safer than we think
Our nervous system is primed for threat detection. The moment we see a worrying story in our feed, we may start to have physiological reactions, with cortisol and adrenaline pumping through our system. While these neurochemicals are incredibly useful in situations of physical danger, they are of far less use when we are safe on a couch staring at a phone.
Increased worry can be driven by our digital diets and social media algorithms designed to provoke anger and fear. Too much doom-scrolling can lead to us becoming more stressed, depressed and anxious. Instead of enjoying the best bits of life, we can squander precious parts of it catastrophising and panic buying toilet paper.
To immediately calm our nervous system, it can be extremely helpful to put down the phone, focus on the present and remind ourselves, ‘right now, in this moment, I am safe.’ To find your own sense of safety, try this guided self-compassion exercise.
4. A different outcome is not a personal failure
Despite all that we may put in, it’s incredibly normal for our lives to be punctuated by relationships that fall apart, jobs that don’t work out and dreams that never come to fruition.
When things don’t go how we had planned, we can be enormously hard on ourselves. We may punish ourselves for not having perfect foresight. We may measure ourselves against unrealistic expectations. We may torture ourselves, looking back on all those things we ‘should’ have done in the past.
The best way to meet change is with a healthy dose of self-compassion. We need to realise that there is not a linear relationship between effort and reward, and that circumstances are often governed by many things completely outside of our control. Instead of punishing ourselves for perceived failures, it is helpful to remind ourselves that “I’m doing the best I can with what I have got right now and that is enough.”
To help meet challenges with self-kindness, this guided exercise can provide an inner sanctuary.
5. We are master adapters
Humans are innately resilient. As a species we have become highly successful through our expert ability to adapt.
If we need evidence of this, we can simply look back on our own personal experiences. Almost all of us will have experienced difficulties, navigated changes and found our own ways through. We may have emerged a little humbled, a lot wiser and on a path far truer to our own values.
Resilience is not about our capacity to grin and bare it. Instead, it comes from our ability to adapt, change course and make the choices that are right for us.
This resilience is enhanced when we take time out to look after ourselves. In this guided exercise you can discover how to nourish your own wellbeing by taking a soothing pause.
Like to learn more? Join Mindarma Principal Psychologist Dr Sadhbh Joyce on the 13th of May for a special webinar event where we will explore Change, Uncertainty and Self-Compassion. Register now.